Silence is Golden
by SapphirePetal
Summary: He knows it's one of those days the minute he wakes up.
1. Fault

He knows it is one of those days the minute he wakes up.

He feels as if he is gazing at the world around him through a haze. The colors around him are dull and he feels as if he can hardly breathe as he looks around himself.

He closes his eyes and forces himself to count to ten, praying to whatever being existed that he was just overreacting and that the haze would be gone once he opened his eyes once again.

He opens his eyes and his heart drops.

It is still there.

A sigh escapes his mouth at this, but he still drags himself out of his bed.

Life does not stop after all, even for this damn haze surrounding him.

He forces himself out of his pajamas and into his work suit, wincing as the tight material comes on.

He wonders if he can get away with wearing his comfortable and loose pajamas, but he quickly disregards the idea.

He knew that Kirigiri would never tolerate such behavior. Besides, if he even managed to get past her in such an outfit, there would be no doubt that his boyfriend would make a snarky comment on it.

On a normal day, he would be able to laugh it off, knowing that he meant no harm and that his boyfriend was being his normal, sarcastic self.

Today, however, he is not sure if he could deal with such a comment.

He scoffs at his behavior as he heads down to his kitchen, hating every second he is forced to endure the presence of this never ending fog.

In an attempt to disperse it, he checks his cell phone, hoping to see if anything actually good was awaiting him there.

But of course, all he has is hate messages from Touko for dating Byakuya, Hagakure begging him to ask Byakuya for a loan to give him, and Kirigiri simply saying that he was going to run late for work that day if he did not get out of bed.

He groans at this and pockets the phone, though he wishes he could just throw it at a wall.

He wishes that there was a text from Aoi or Byakuya, but he knew that Aoi was on a mission at the moment for the Future Foundation and less likely to text him, while his boyfriend prefered to just call him if something was needed.

The thought does not help his mood.

He mindlessly shuffles through his refrigerator, curious to see if there was anything in there that he could eat for breakfast. Sadly though, he soon realizes that he was out of food and would have to settle for cafeteria food from the Future Foundation as well as go shopping that afternoon before he went home.

Just great.

He entertains the thought of just going to Byakuya's home that afternoon instead, knowing that his mood would surely lighten up when he was with him and he would not have to do anything but curl up next to his boyfriend and sleep off this haze. In fact, his lips form a smile at the thought, his first real smile of the day.

His hand is halfway to his phone to call and ask him before it freezes.

Wait…

No, he could not do that.

There was no way that Byakuya would allow such a thing. Surely he had more important things to do than deal with his own issues. He was higher up in Future Foundation after all.

It probably would just come off as clingy or annoying if he tried asking him to do such a thing.

No, the right thing to do was just suck it up and deal with it.

He sighed at the thought and swore that the haze around him seemed to get heavier as he did so.

This day was really not going to get any better, was it?

He glanced at the clock once more and felt himself pale.

He was over an hour late for work.

He quickly grabbed his briefcase and his suit jacket, panic overcoming him as he practically ran out the door of his house.

He was so screwed.

He could already see what would happen as soon as he made it to the office.

Kyoko would give him an unamused look and scold him for sleeping in for the tenth time that month. Byakuya would be standing nearby while rolling his eyes and ask him if he even bothered to be on time anymore.

Then there were the rest of his colleagues.

They would eye him from the sidelines, faceless in a sea of black and white suits. Still, their words would fill the air around him the minute Kyoko and Byakuya were gone.

"Oh, look who finally decided to show up."

"Try to be on time next time, alright?"

"Honestly, how can you be the Ultimate hope when you can not even get to an office on time?"

The last phrase haunts him the most.

The Ultimate Hope.

What a joke that was.

How could he of all people be considered the Ultimate Hope? All he had done was use reason to murder people he had once held so dear to him.

He feels his panicked strides slow down at the thought.

He.. He had murdered them… ?

No.. no! It was Junko's fault! It was her plan all along after all!

But… He was the one who set it all off right? He had been the fool who had let Sayaka stay in his room, allowing her to start the murder plot that had kickstarted the entire disaster. If he had just been a little more smarter and cautious, then the murder plot would not have occurred and they could have found a way to defeat Junko together, before turning on themselves like animals.

So in a way.. That meant that he was the one who caused everyone to die.

The thought makes him want to throw up.

He slowly comes to a stop beside the Future Foundations building, his heart pounding and his hands shaking.

He.. He did it… He killed his friends.

His eyes begin to water as all of their face appear before him in his mind.

Sayaka.. Mukuro… Leon.. Chihiro… Mondo… Kiyotaka… Hifumi... Celestia… Sakura…

Their deaths were all his fault.

He barely bites back the scream filling his throat as the haze around him only grows stronger.

What right did he, their murderer, have to be living right now?

They.. They had so much going for them when they died.

They were young people with impressive talents and dreams as high as the sky.

And him? He was just the poor sucker who was roped in under the false pretense that he was equal to them.

He did not deserve to live, not if it meant that they had to die in his place for him to live.

He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face as grief filled him. He barely notices that the haze that surrounded him previously was now began to engulf him entirely.

His fault.. His fault…

It was all his fault.

Then he hears it.

"Yo.. Is anyone here? I swore I just heard something man…"

He freezes as he heard Hagakure's confused voice fill the air around him.

He could not be seen like this! If Hagakure saw him this upset, he would surely tell Kyoko and Byakuya, leading to them actually trying to help him.

He did not deserve their pity, did not deserve their help.

It was his fault that they had suffered so much in the first place after all

Quickly, he wipes his face and bites back his pain, before getting up and walking toward his former classmate with a fake smile.

"Hey Yasuhiro! It's just me, I overslept a bit again."

His friend looks up from his position by the Future Foundation entrance, clearly on guard duty for the day. He grins at him, cheerfully waving a hand at him.

"Hey Naegins! Nice to see you! Better get in there quick, otherwise, Kyoko and Byakuya will have your tail!" he joked.

He smiled back at his friend, his heart aching as he did so.

He did not deserve to be treated in such a nice manner from his former classmate.

Why could Hagakure not see him as the murderer he was?

Still, he forced himself into the building, wincing a bit as he spotted the duo waiting for him in the lobby.

He felt his smile weaken and his heartbeat quicken at the sight of the Former Ultimate Detective and the Former Ultimate Affluent Progeny.

Kyoko… Byakuya…

Surely they would eventually realize what he truly was on the inside.

Maybe they already had.

He can feel his hands begin to shake slightly at the thought.

Were they pretending to be his friend, and in Byakuya's case, his boyfriend? Were they just luring him into a trap of friendship and love, only to betray him in the worse way in a case of revenge for their fellow students?

He would not blame them if they were planning that though.

It was only what he deserved,

Still, he makes his fake smile stronger, if only to keep up his illusion of happiness.

"Sorry guys! I accidentally slept through my alarm again." he admitted sheepishly.

Byakuya rolls his eyes at this.

"That much is obvious." he snapped.

Kirigiri sends Byakuya a slight glare at that as his heart aches at the annoyance in the heir's words.

Was that all he was to Byakuya, an annoyance?

He can feel his heart break at the thought, but somehow, he is pleased by the thought as well.

At least he was on the path to see the second murderer who had fallen for him.

Speaking of murderers, he soon notices Toko hiding behind a nearby pillar, sending him a dark glare.

She seems to notice his gaze though, as her glare somehow becomes darker upon seeing him.

"B-bastard! H-how could a l-lazy person such as you be with Master Byakuya and not me!" she demanded.

Byakuya now turns to send a glare at her, but he has to admit she makes a fair point.

He really did not deserve to be with someone like Byakuya.

Byakuya had his entire life in front of him. He was clever, cunning, intelligent, not to mention down right gorgeous. He could whatever and whoever he wanted in life, yet he chose to degrade himself to someone like him.

It honestly was not a fair trade.

"Enough of this nonsense. Let's just get to work. We have wasted enough time today." Kyoko suddenly announces, giving all three of them strict looks.

Byakuya scoffs at this, but abides, turning on his heel and walking toward his office.

"Come on Naegi. I have some paperwork that needs to be filled out." he orders, not bothering to wait for him.

"C-coming!" he says quickly, racing to follow him as his thoughts darkened once more.

Naegi. Never Makoto.

That was the one honor that even Byakuya deemed too good for him.

He did not even deserve to be called by his first name.

Sure, they had been dating for about a year if you counted the time before the Tragedy, but never had Byakuya allowed him to call him by his first name. He was only allowed to in his thoughts.

On a good day, this would hurt him. But today, it only made sense.

He notes that Kyoko gives him a strange look as he passes her, but he pushes the thought away.

He did not deserve to even entertain the notion that she cared about him.

After all, he was nothing.

Nothing but a murderer.

* * *

I apologize so badly you guys! I haven't been on much since my degree is hell and i didn't realize what had happened when this initially went up. Hopefully this is much more better.


	2. Fracture

He stared down at the paper in front of him, not really comprehending what was on it. From what he could tell, it had something to do with the shipment of supplies, but he just could not focus on it.

He forced himself to take a deep breath before leaning back in his chair.

He needed to focus. He had a job to do after all.

A job he did not deserve to have.

He feels himself begin to shake slightly as the thought filled his head.

No.. no that was not true, he told himself.

He deserved to work at the Future Foundation. After all he had….

Killed off ten of his fellow classmates.

He bit his lip at the thought and quickly tried to force the thought away, reminding himself firmly that even if he had murdered them, it was his duty to make up for his sins and help save others from the same fate.

For a second, he succeeds. He relaxes slightly, a small smile filling his face as he begins to see the haze around him fade slightly.

To his horror though, a more deadly enemy soon took a hold of his mind.

A eerily familiar voice filled his head, mocking him, insulting him.

 _What right do you have to work at a place like the Future Foundation? You robbed our classmates of their futures, yet you sit back and pretend like you save the world. What a hypocrite._

His hands formed fists as Junko's voice filled his head.

He frantically tried to tell himself that he was deluding himself, that he truly did deserve to work at the Future Foundation.

But, of course, he failed.

Junko's voice seemed to grow stronger with his defense, almost as if it only powered the dark part of his mind where her memory resided.

 _You may blame me Makoto, but I did nothing. I only gave you the scenario and left it in the hands of you and the rest of our class. Maybe if you were smarter or even a bit less oblivious, everyone would have lived and I would have been defeated without any bloodshed._

 _But you could not stop it. Do you know why?_

 _You are worthless._

He tightened his fists at the Ultimate Despair's words as they filled his head, bringing with it all the insecurity he had previously locked away.

 _You were worthless the minute you walked into Hope's Peak Academy and you were worthless the minute you defeated me._

 _Lie to yourself all you want, you know that I am right._

 _No matter how much you hate me, you have to admit that I was worth something. You also have to admit that the rest of the survivors are worth something, especially that blonde you love so much._

 _But you were never worth a thing in your entire life._

His nails were now digging into his palms as her words impaled him like knives.

 _It's probably pity that generates the friendships you hold with the rest of the survivors. After all, why would they want to associate themselves with you?_

 _You are only a pathetic waste of life who got lucky enough to win a lottery of high schools._

 _And what do you do when you attend the academy? You murder half of your class._

 _Sayaka, Leon, Chihiro, Mondo, Kiyotaka, Hifumi, Celestia, Sakura, even my own twin sister Mukuro, who liked you so much._

 _You killed them all._

 _I know it. You know it. And most of all, the rest of the survivors know it._

He could already feel the tears pricking at his eyes as he vainly tried to come up with a defense against Junko's words.

 _They are good actors, are they not? I daresay, I have to say Byakuya is truly the best at it._

 _I mean, look at how good he is at pretending he likes a piece of trash like you!_

 _He will leave you eventually, you realize this right? Like Toko always said, you do not deserve him by a mile._

 _He already knows what a worthless murderer you are and he will probably make the smart decision of leaving you all alone in this mess of a world soon._

 _Haha.. Maybe he will take up Toko's offer and become her boyfriend. You have to admit, they would make a beautiful couple._

 _They would surely be a better couple than you and Byakuya._

He was positive that his nails had broken skin as he clenched his fists even tighter,

 _But that will not be the end. Of course it won't._

 _Because the rest are going to leave you too._

 _Do you think the sweet Aoi is going to want to pretend to be the friend of a murderer for the rest of her life?_

"... shut up.."

 _Do you think Yasuhiro wants to deal with the fear of being with two murderers all the time?_

".. Shut up.."

 _Do you think Toko will be alright with losing the man she loves to a murderer who is crueler than she is?_

" Shut up."

 _Do you think Kyoko truly cares about being your friend and is not pretending to do so just to make sure you do not kill again?_

"Shut up!"

 _If so, you are more idiotic than I thought._

"SHUT UP!"

His scream echoed within the office, silencing all noise in the room. He pays no mind to this, as he shoots up from his chair, visibly shaking with anger and terror.

That was not true. It could not be.

He quickly glances around the room, his heart plummeting to his feet as he realized that everyone in his general vicinity is staring at him in shock and confusion.

He feels as if the haze around him was choking him as he stared at their startled faces. He gasps slightly at this and raises a hand to his throat, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

He had to get out of there.

Without even pausing to think about the possible repercussions of his actions, he sped out of his office desk, his only thought being escape from the suddenly

Suddenly, he feels a hand wrap around his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. He pauses reluctantly, turning quickly to see who was holding him.

He chokes slightly as he meets his boyfriend's annoyed blue eyes.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" his boyfriend hissed quietly, his voice dripping with anger.

He can feel himself begin to shake more at his boyfriend's anger. Junko's words seemed to engulf him as he stared at the furious man in front of him.

He will leave you eventually, you realize this right? Like Toko always said, you do not deserve him by a mile.

"I-I'm sorry. Please.. I'm so sorry…" he choked out.

Byakuya examined him for a moment, and to his surprise, the anger in his countenance changed to… Worry?

"... Come with me. Now."

Without even pausing to wait for him to respond, Byakuya dragged him by the wrist into his office, glaring at anyone who dared to stare at them. Within moments, the duo were located in Byakuya's office,

The former Ultimate Heir quickly locked the door behind them before crossing his arms and sending him a slight glare.

"Explain your behavior just now. You were making a racket out there."

While his words were harsh, Byakuya's voice was anything but angry. No, now it was filled with nothing but confusion and slight worry.

He can already feel the guilt welling up within him as he manages a weak smile for his boyfriend.

"I am fine Togami, I just fell asleep at my desk and had a nightmare."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow at his words.

"That must have been an interesting dream, considering I could hear you scream from my office."

He winces at the news and looks away from his boyfriend.

".. I am sorry. I did not mean to disturb you."

Byakuya sighed in response and raised a hand to rub his forehead in aggravation

"... Naegi come over here."

He eyed his boyfriend nervously, but still shuffled over to his boyfriend's side. Once he was there though, his boyfriend immediately wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

He felt his face turn slightly red at the unusual affection.

"..Togami?"

His boyfriend said nothing to him, instead choosing to silently comfort him by pulling him close and running a hand gently through his hair.

He could not help but smile slightly at the unusual affection. He found himself returning the hug, feeling oddly relaxed and peaceful as his boyfriend held him.

Somehow, he could barely feel the haze that was previously choking him as his boyfriend held him close. In fact, as he glanced around the room, he noted how bright the room suddenly was, as if some sort of hope still remained in the room.

He found himself snuggling closer to Byakuya, desperate for any relief from the haze that had consumed him that day.

He began to wonder if he should hug his boyfriend more often if it meant feeling so.. So…

Happy.

That is what he felt whenever he was with Byakuya.

Maybe he did not deserve it. Maybe it was an emotion not fit for a murderer for himself.

But for that one moment, he did not care.

"... Promise me that you would tell me if something was wrong?" his boyfriend finally murmured in his ear after a few minutes.

He looked up with a half-smile, tightening his grip on the heir slightly as he did so.

"... I promise."

Byakuya smiled slightly at him and lightly pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Thank you."

With that, the heir pulled away,signaling the end of the affection moment.

He finds himself wincing at the withdrawal. The second Byakuya's welcoming arms let go of him, he felt the haze wash over him once more. He inwardly groaned at this as he noted the once again dull atmosphere to the room he was in.

Byakuya only straightened his suit jacket and gave him a stern look, already back to his cold poise.

"Do not make such a racket again. If you do, I will drag Kirigiri into this as you will be disrupting our workplace yet again."

He nods, trying to hide his displeasure at the return of the haze that had haunted him all afternoon.

"Yes Togami. I am going to go finish my work though, alright?'

"..Of course."

He managed a small smile to his boyfriend as he turned to leave the room. Just as he touched the doorknob though, his boyfriend called for him.

"... Naegi."

He turned when he heard his name being called, feeling both slightly confused and hopeful.

"Yes?"

For some reason, the former Ultimate Heir could not meet his eyes.

"I believe there is something I need to discuss with you after work today. This afternoon, meet me in front of the building once your shift is over."

He raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend's choice of words.

"Of course Togami. I'll see you then," he agreed.

He finally left then, heading back to his office with Byakuya's words swirling in his head.

What was it that Byakuya wanted?

He could not focus for the rest of the afternoon.

He tried, oh how he tried to focus on the paperwork that seemed to trickle in steadily throughout the day.

But for all of his effort, it was all in vain.

The numbers swirled around him endlessly, leaving him with no clue about what he was signing. The only thing he could do was sign off on page after page, his mind on an entirely different topic.

His boyfriend's mysterious invitation to meet up that afternoon.

He knew that it could be for any number of reasons, good or bad.

His mind just preferred to focus on the bad.

He found himself gritting his teeth as images of his boyfriend smiling sadly filled his mind.

"It is just not working out Naegi."

"It is not worth pretending anymore."

"It's over."

He groaned in frustration at the thoughts filling his mind. He found himself tossing away his pen, too annoyed to even keep up the pretense of working.

He told himself that he was being silly. After all, Byakuya had asked to meet with him after comforting him about his outburst in the middle of the office.

Of course, that also could have been due to the fact that he was only pretending to comfort him out of guilt for planning to break up with him later.

He barely noticed as the haze around him thickened as his thoughts turned more and more dark.

Byakuya could not break up with him, he could not!

He… He needed Byakuya in his life.

Yes, Byakuya was a stubborn jerk who had no sense of morality at times.

But, he could be so much more than that.

Byakuya was one of the strongest out of all of them, willing to see things the rest wanted to overlook. Even if he vehemently denied it, he had made himself the de facto protector of the group along with Kirigiri. He was the one who helped negotiate their terms of work with Future Foundation, the one who made sure all of them found safe places to stay at when off the clock.

However, even more than that, he was one of his best friends and the only person he would ever trust with his heart.

He could not begin to talk about the endless nights where the former Ultimate Heir had held him through the night, calming him from his nightmares with a snarky response that would always make him laugh. Byakuya had always been there for him since they had escaped the killing game, no matter what had happened.

Sure, he was not the most affectionate boyfriend in the world, but that only made his light kisses and affectionate smiles even more precious.

If Byakuya left him…. His world would begin to collapse.

After all, if Byakuya left him of all people, then who could he trust in this rotten world?

Surely the others would leave him as well if Byakuya did.

They would all finally realize that they did not have to stay with him, that they could finally go live their lives without him.

Most likely Yasuhiro and Toko would leave him first ,saying some nonsense about him being too cruel to deal with. Aoi would keep up the act a bit longer, but eventually she would go too, not willing to stay with the murderer of her best friend.

Kyoko would probably leave last, staying to the end only to make sure he would harm no one else.

He let out a frustrated yell at his thoughts, barely caring as heads swerved in his direction once again.

He quickly leapt back to his feet like before, but this time, he made a beeline for Byakuya's office.

He was going to go mad if he kept waiting for that afternoon to come.

His best bet was just confronting Byakuya now and getting answers.

He soon made it to his boyfriend's office. Just as he was about to burst in though, he caught sight of who was inside.

The rest of the survivors.

Kyoko and Yasuhiro were positioned by the desk, sitting in the chairs positioned in front of it.

Byakuya himself was sitting at the desk,his normal look of boredom clear on his face. Toko was hovering by the windowsill though, watching the scene before her while biting her nails slightly.

He stood by the door, watching the impromptu meeting in front of him with wide eyes.

"Surely I am not the only one who has noticed Makoto's strange behavior?" Kyoko's scathing purple eyes were on Byakuya as she spoke.

His boyfriend rolled his eyes in response.

"He claims he has nightmares. Though I must say, I have my suspicions that he was lying to me," he responded.

"Come on guys! We all have our own nightmares after the mess with Enoshima. It's only natural that the guy is tense," Yasuhiro intervened.

"I-I can't believe that. H-He's probably feeling guilty for manipulating my White Knight away from me," Toko chimed in, casting adoring eyes at Byakuya to his annoyance.

"Refer to me as your white knight one more time vermin and I will throw you out of this office," Byakuya shot back irritably.

"Still.. This worries me.. Perhaps we should pay closer attention to him, just see what is troubling him," Kyoko mused.

"Just let the guy be Kyokokins. Just leave him to Togamikins," Yasuhiro waved off her concerns.

"I am not his keeper Hagakure."

"You are his boyfriend. Same thing."

"Can we stop bringing that up?!" Toko whined.

"How about we focus at the topic at hand? We need to figure this out.," Kyoko interrupted, raising an eyebrow at their behavior.

"Just figure out what is wrong so we can end it already. That is all we have to do."

He froze as his boyfriend's words filled the air.

End it already?

"Yes.. That would be best," Kyoko agreed.

"Of course Master Byakuya is right!" Toko chimed in.

"Whatever dudes, I am chill with anything."

He staggered from the door, his heart racing.

His mind vainly tried to regain control with logic. Surely his friends were talking about whatever force was influencing his mind recently, not planning a way to end their friendships.

Yes, that was it… He was just letting his mind wander a bit too much.

Still, he found himself slowly backing away from the door, the haze around him darker than ever.

 _I told you so._

Junko's smug voice filled his head suddenly and he could almost imagine that damn smirk that would be filling her face as she spoke.

That was his cue to turn and run from the office, barely caring as he felt tears streaming down his face as he did so.

* * *

Sorry for the major screw up guys! I did not check the file before I uploaded it! Hopefully this makes up for it.


	3. Break

He was running, but he had no clue where he was headed.

He dashed past startled Future Foundation members without a care. He could see them staring at him as he ran from the corner of his eyes, but he found that he could careless.

The only coherent thought going through his head at the time was just to get away from Future Foundation as fast as he could.

To his relief, he soon found himself at the entrance to the building. Without a second thought, he threw open the doors, a crooked smile filling his face as he felt the cool afternoon air hit his face.

Freedom.

Once outside though, he stopped, curiously glancing around the area.

Where should he go?

There was no doubt in his mind that his friends and boyfriend would soon hear of his rather strange departure from the building. He knew that as soon as they found out, they would try and track him down in an attempt to figure out what was bugging him.

But somehow, the idea did not appeal to him.

He knew he should be happy that they cared to the point of trying to find him, but somehow it only made him feel dread.

Their last few words rang in his head, reminding him about how they were about to give up on him soon. Even if they cared now, they would not care as much in the near future.

So why deal with their pestering at all?

He soon realizes that his face is wet from his tears, causing him to quickly swipe at his face with his sleeve. He closes his eyes as soon as he finished and took a deep breath, forcing himself to collect himself.

Now was not the time to cry. Now was the time to figure out what his next move was going to be.

He decides the best course of action was to simply distance himself from the Future Foundation in an attempt to hide from his friends as he collected his thoughts.

But where should he go?

The answer comes to him as soon as he ponders the question.

Hope's Peak Academy.

The place where this entire nightmare had begun.

The crooked smile on his face grows bigger at the idea. Within seconds, he is running once again, his heart set on the destination ahead of him.

He knew that the school was placed in the center of Tokyo, as a sign of it's influence at the beginning of the mess. Luckily though, the fourteenth branch of Future Foundation was located only two hours away from the school. Initially, he had been disturbed by the closeness, but now he could not be more pleased.

Suddenly though, he frowns, logic taking over his mind for a bit.

There was no way he could make it to the school on foot. He would surely be ambushed by Monokumas on the way and with his scrawny build, there was no question of who would lose such a battle.

Though, was death such a bad thought?

He pushes the thought away for a moment, trying to figure out a more sensible idea for reaching Hope's Peak Academy.

Well, he did have his gun in his suit pocket in case of an attack, a safety precaution that he had taken up soon after leaving the school. Sure, it would not be as good as Byakuya's megaphone, but it would be enough to take out an Monokuma if they attacked while he was out.

In terms of a vehicle, he should be able to access one of the Future Foundation cars. He would just have to sneak one out before his friend's realized something was wrong.

Which would be in the next five minutes.

He quickly turned around and ran back into the building, hoping that word of his hurried escape from before had not made it's way back to his "friends".

Of course, his luck was not on his side that day.

The minute he walked back into the building, he was spotted by a familiar girl in a purple dress. He inwardly groaned at this, not in the mood to deal with Toko's drama.

Still, he forced a weak smile onto his face and waved at her awkwardly, intending to walk past her with as little interaction as possible.

It did not work as intended.

The young writer stomped over to him, an irritated expression clear on her face.

"Y-you idiot! Where have you been?! E-everyone is talking about y-your large exit a few minutes ago! Y-you made everyone, even M-Master Byakuya chase after you!" she growled.

He raised his hands up defensively and took a step away from the angry woman before him.

"I'm sorry Toko. I did not mean to worry anyone," he said calmly, trying to soothe her.

He could feel his heart begin to race as he spoke though, as his mind quickly processed this new information.

On one hand, he was annoyed that everyone had been alerted to his rushed departure, as it meant that he would be facing more obstacles than he expected in his task of getting to Hope's Peak Academy.

On the other hand, he was slightly pleased to hear of his friends' worry for his mysterious disappearance. Sure, it may be because they were worried that he might kill another in his panicked state, but it was nice to at least pretend to have the notion that they cared for him.

Toko humphed and crossed her arms.

"D-Don't apologize to me! I j-just got roped into looking for you by Master Byakuya! He insisted I h-help," she sniffed.

He bit back a sigh at her antics.

"I see… Well, I am going to just go to the garage for a sec, alright?"

Toko sent him a dark glare at that.

"Oh no you don't! Master Byakuya s-said to bring you to him the minute you got back!"

He silently cursed his luck as he made his fake smile grow.

"I see. Well, I am sure that Togami will not mind if I just left for one moment…."

Toko's glare only deepened.

"Y-you idiot! Do you really think no one realizes what is going on? You are n-not exactly subtle you know!" she snapped.

He bit his lip at that, panic filling him at her words. He quickly took a step back from her, his eyes desperately searching for an escape route.

"W-what's going on? I don't know what you mean!" he choked out.

Toko took another step forward, annoyance clear on her face.

"Do not act like an idiot! We all know why you are acting like this! Now come on! Everyone is waiting for you!" Toko was so furious that her lisp vanished.

Makoto felt as if he had been thrown into the Arctic Ocean.

They knew.

They knew he was not one of them.

They knew he was the murderer of all their friends.

They knew this entire situation was his fault.

That ever present haze that had consumed his day was now choking him at the new information. All he could hear was Junko's smug voice chanting 'I told you so. I told you so.'.

The only thought in his head was, I have to get away.

He ran past Toko, making a break for the parking garage. He could hear her screeching for someone to stop him, but he found that he really could care less about it.

He quickly made his way past startled Future Foundation members for the third time that day without a care. It only took him a few minutes with his pace to make it to the parking garage.

It was relatively easy to grab a car from the garage. All he really had to do was scan his id card and sign out the car. If he returned, all he had to do was park the car and reswipe the card

If being the key word there.

He quickly made his way to the closest available car, shutting the door and locking it before anyone could try opening it to stop his departure.

He forced himself to calm down slightly as he started up the car, knowing that he had to keep his emotions in check for his drive at least.

It would not do to be responsible for more murders after all.

He put the car in drive and carefully drove out of the building, flashing his badge at the man on duty at the gate.

He let out a breath of relief as he drove out of the parking garage without any more issues.

Hope's Peak Academy, here he comes.

Truth be told, the drive is a lot shorter than he thought it would be.

The school was located in the center of Tokyo, which was only an hour away from th Future Foundation 14th branch headquarters. This meant that he only had a hour to consolidate his decision before arriving to his former school.

He stared up at the building before him, his hands forming fists at his side.

Hope's Peak Academy.

The place where he had lived a joy-filled year with the rest of his class, oblivious to the hell they would be soon tossed into.

Without a second thought, he stepped through the rusted gates of the academy he had once admired.

His feet made soft clicks on the ground as he strode through the welcoming hall of the academy. He glanced around the empty hall around him with a blank smile before proceeding to leave the hall behind him.

Where he was going, he had no clue. All he knew was that he just had to keep walking.

He could almost see his classmates standing before him, watching him as he made his way through the academy..

Mukuro watched from the shadows, her arms crossed and her face blank. But her light blue eyes seemed to glitter with guilt.

Sakura was next. Her eyes seemed to bore into his soul as he passed her. She seemed to be trying to tell him something, but he could not figure out what.

Hifumi and Celestia merely eyed him as he walked past him. There seemed to be some odd sort of sadness on their face as he walked past, but he was not sure.

Kiyotaka was crying as he strolled by. He reached for him, almost as if trying to stop him, but he avoided his hand.

Chihiro was crying as well as he passed them. Mondo stood behind them, his eyes filled with anger and pain as he continued on past them.

Leon had clenched fists as he made his way by him. He seemed to be trying to scream something at him, but he tried to ignore him as best as he could.

Sayaka was the last one.

She stared at him with tear-filled eyes. Guilt and heartbreak were clear on her face, but unlike the others, she did not try and stop him. She merely reached out a hand to him, pain clear in every inch of her face.

He found himself reaching out for her, tears filling his eyes.

The first person he had ever failed…..

He jumped as the sound of a ringing cell phone lit the air. His former classmates seemed to disappear as he glanced around quickly in alarm, only to realize the sound came from his own phone. He sighed at both his paranoia and the phone call itself. He then answered the phone, not bothering to check the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Makoto?"

He winced as he heard Aoi's voice on his cell phone.

"Oh… Aoi. How are you?"

Aoi's voice was filled with nervousness as she spoke.

"G-good…. Are you okay though? Everyone is really worried about you."

He winced at the question.

"I am sure that everything is fine Aoi…" he said, trying to dodge the question as best as he could

"... Kyoko said you left the building in a hurry… Did you find a lead on your parents or something?" she probed.

"... Something. Definitely something." He said quietly.

He turned as he heard the familiar sound of movement behind him. He could see a blob approaching, but he could not tell what it was.

"...I see… Are you on a trip to find something then?"

He could hear the desperation in her voice but he found himself caring less about it as he watched the blob in the distance walk towards him.

"I am."

"... Makoto, you are going to go back to the Future Foundation when you are done…. Right?"

"... Of course Asahina."

He stared at the blob before him, slowly realizing that the blob was in fact a Monokuma robot headed straight for him.

He felt fear fill him as he stared at the approaching the bear. But there was another emotion welling up within him at the same time.

Acceptance.

"... Hey… Aoi?"

"Yes…?" she answered quietly.

He bit his lip as he thought about what he was about to say..

"... I have to go now… Can you tell everyone that I am sorry?"

"Makoto?!" Aoi's voice was now filled with a large amount of panic.

He could only watch the approaching robot with a cold feeling of understanding.

This was his fate….

"Especially Togami and Kyoko…. They deserved better….:" he murmured softly.

"Makoto stop this! You are scaring me!" Aoi was screaming at this point.

He felt the slightest bit of guilt fill him at her pain.

How awful was he to let her care for a person like him?

"... I am so sorry I let this happen…. Perhaps this is the way to rectify my mistake."

"Makoto, stop! I… I found your coordinates… I am sending Togami and Kyoko... "

He hummed slightly to himself as the bear came closer, trying his best to keep himself in place as he watched his future murderer approach.

"... Really…? How fast…?"

Aoi whimpered slightly in response.

"... Togami really wants to talk to you." she tried to entice him.

He felt a sad smile fill his face at her words.

"He will be fine…"

He was positive that Aoi was crying at that point.

"... Makoto, I have never heard him sound so terrified…"

He could barely hear her by that point. His eyes were distantly watching the bear before him slowly toddle before him, claws out.

"... My fault…. All my fault…."

"Makoto…. MAKOTO!"

His smile turns bitter as Aoi's scream fills his ears. Somehow, he feels a tear fall down his face,

"Goodbye."

The cell phone clattered to the ground as the robotic bear's laugh echoed in the distance.

* * *

Hey everyone!

My apologies for how late this was. This story is complete, as I uploaded chapter 5, the final chapter earlier this month to Ao3. However, due to me being busy with classes and forgetful as hell, I kept forgetting to update this story. Chapters 4/5 will be up later tonight and if anyone wants to, here is my archive of our own link in case you would like to hit me up there! It is a bit easier for me to work on there so, you will find that my Ao3 is a lot more updated than my Fanfiction account haha... I will also leave my tumblr in the description if you ever want to talk or hit me up for any reason!

Silence is Golden Link: /works/7640224  
AO3 Account: /users/Sapphire_Petal/works  
Tumblr : .com


	4. Torment

Makoto Naegi,

You are such an idiot.

I will stand by these words to the blessed day I leave this world.

Did you really think I did not notice what was going on? I may not be the Ultimate Psychologist, but I know depression when I see it.

….. And I know that you had it.

Unfortunately, by the time I realized it, it was too late for you.

I am not going to sit here and whine that you had no reason to commit suicide. With everything we dealt with at that cursed school, we all have plenty of reasons to plead for the bliss that would be brought upon us if we committed suicide.

I just never thought that you would be the first one to fall into the tempting trap of death.

You… You always seemed to be the happiest out of the six of us, even that waterlogged swimmer girl. Whenever any of us showed the slightest bit of sadness, you swooped in with a bright smile and some idiotic words about hope.

…. I am sorry that none of us were able to return the favor.

There is a confession I have to make here. I never told you this while you were alive, but I… I was really happy that you were dating Byakuya. I know that I never showed it… But despite the pain that I felt at losing him, I could not help but feel joy as well. You made him happy, that was obvious to even men. And what type of lover would not want the person they love to be happy? I may never have said it while you were alive but… I was so grateful to you for at least being able to make him smile.

… You know, I still remember my last conversation with you. I still wonder what would have happened if I had been able to stop you that day.

Would your life really have ended the way it did if I had stopped you? Would you still have given up like you did that day? Or would me and the others found a way to stop you and convince you that you were going down the wrong path.

These questions still haunt me.

In other news… I think you would like to know that we found your little sister. We do not know what happened to your parents yet, but at the very least we found her.

She a lot like you actually. I mean, you two two both have the same strangely normal countenances. Seriously, I feel like you both walked out of some pathetic shoujo manga.

But more than that… You both radiate hope.

Maybe her hope is not as not bright as your, but it is still there.

She is beside me right now. She is obviously asleep at the moment, otherwise I would be subjected to her endless questions about what I was doing. But she is alive and well and that is all you would really want to know right?

… But there is also something else that you need to know.

There are these little brats in Towa City. They are called the Warriors of Hope… They kidnapped Byakuya…

I know you would be panicking if you were alive. To be honest… I am worried for his condition as well. But… That is not why I told you this.

They want your sister.

I was told that if I found your sister and took her to their headquarters, they would release Byakuya in exchange for her.

I… I apologize for this, but i have no intentions of following through with these demands.

We both know that Byakuya is a strong person. He can handle himself in any situation, no matter how dire the situation is.

But your sister cannot.

Your sister is fragile in a way. I can see the stress and fear in her eyes as we go through this ruined city. She is not exactly the best at hiding it.

… She reminds me of you before you died.

You were the same way. There was so much fear and pain in your eyes that you resembled a terrified rabbit.

.. I have no intention of failing Komaru like I failed you.

Do not get me wrong, I am not doing this because you were Byakuya's boyfriend.

I am doing it because, above all else, you were my friend.

…. I hope you are in a better place Makoto. If anyone deserves it, it would be you.

Toko Fukawa.

Naegikins,

I.. I do not know what to say dude.

This type of thing is not my style, . You know me... or knew me in this case. Either way dude, I am not good at mushiness and all of that junk.

... It is strange without you here dude. Half the time I still think you are going to pop up somewhere. Maybe you would be chatting with Asahinakins or Kirigiri. Or maybe you would wander out of a closet with Toges with messed up hair and a big grin as Toges smirks and Fukawa glares from the side.

I just can not believe that you are gone...

Why did you do it dude...? We all know that it was a suicide dude. It was obvious when we found your body.

You obviously had been mauled by a Monokuma robot, but you still had your gun at your side, unused and full of bullets that would have saved your life had you just used it. Kirigiri said that you had not even made the slightest movement toward the gun, indicating that you either forgot about it, or that you chose not to pull it. Considering what you said to Asahina before you died... We all know it is the latter.

I can not believe that even happened to you… Your body was mauled beyond recognition. We could only identify the body by the id in your pocket and a DNA test.

Everyone flipped the hell out when we saw your body in the morgue.

Asahina fainted….

Fukawa screamed….

Kirigiri and I looked away….

Toges… Toges covered your face.

Dude.. Do you know what your death.

He was shaking dude… His composure was gone. I actually thought he was going to lose it right there and then.

I am surprised he did not.

It feels so empty without you Naegikins. It is like the world became darker with your death. Me and Asahina try to keep spirits high with jokes and cheer, but more often than not, it fails miserably.

Everyone seems so distant nowadays. Kirigiri, Toges, and Asahina are off on some secret missions. Fukawa is off in Towa City with your sister trying to keep the city under control. And I am left here alone, trying to keep it together as best as we can.

… Why did you have to do it man….?

I mean… I have no right to tell you what to do dude but… What on earth were you thinking man…?

I can not say I knew what was going on in your mind when you died…. But I definitely know that this is not what you would have wanted the group to end up as. You would have wanted us to stay together, to stay united through this horrible time.

But… You were the only thing that honestly kept us together. You were the one who kept us together.

You were our hope.

And now you are gone and I will probably will never know why.

I at least that you are happy in whatever spirit realm you are in Naegikins….

…. We sure do miss you dude.

Yasuhiro Hagakure.

Makoto,

Why?! Why did you do have to do this to us?!

Do you even realize the hell that you brought upon us?!

…. Why did you have to go Makoto…?

I… I thought that you were stronger than that…

No… That is not it.

I never thought that you even felt that way.

Why would I? You were the Ultimate Hope for heaven's sake. When I thought of you, I always thought of the possibility of a bright future.

…. Not anymore though….

I just…. I just do not understand what happened… I mean.. I know that I had not been able to visit often since I was assigned to the thirteenth branch but… That does not mean that I did not care about you! I… I would have listened if you had come to me!

… I never wanted you to die…

I.. I will never forget my final conversation with you.

I almost did not know that it was you i was talking to.I thought that someone else had picked up your cell phone.

You… You sounded so dead Makoto. I nearly cried just hearing how lifeless you sounded. All of your joy… All of your energy… All of your reassuring warmth…

All of it was gone.

All that remained of you was a lifeless puppet.

I… I I should not have been so selfish.

I know that was what I was. I was too busy focusing on my own damn issues and worries to even try and see yours. I… I was too blind to see that you needed me.

Because you did… I know it…

It was obvious in your voice on that awful day.

Behind the sadness, behind the bleak despair and depression that had consumed you…

You still had some hope left.

Hope that someone would help you.

I refuse to believe that you were entirely hopeless. I refuse to.

I know that you still had some faith left in us. I many not understand much about the circumstances that led to your death.

But I know you Makoto.

I know that no matter what, you always had hope within you. Your entire being was built upon bringing back hope to the world.

… Maybe you gave up on that hope for a bit, but I know it would not be permanent if you had not allowed yourself to die.

You would have fought for hope.

Which is why we have desired to fight for it in your stead.

Well. we in this case being me, Kyoko, and Togami.

… Do you remember the Remnants of Despair, Makoto?

They were Junko's lackeys during the tragedy, used to accelerate it and bring even more despair into the world.

We… We found them a few weeks after you died. The Future Foundation ordered them to be executed once we turned them in but… well…

We saved them.

Makoto, you would have done the same if you were still here. The way the higher ups treated them… It was like they were only rabid beasts that needed to be put down.

But… That is not what they are Makoto!

Togami and Kyoko looked into their pasts and well… It was obvious why they fell into despair.

They all had such awful lives.. And Junko took advantage of that.

We.. We could not let them. We all know firsthand how manipulative Junko can be.

We are going to save them Makoto. I can not say how yet but… I know that you would be so proud of us if you were here.

… I swear this to you Makoto. I will protect the Remnants of Despair with my life.

I… I refuse to fail them like I failed you.

That's a promise.

Aoi Asahina

Makoto,

….It has been five months since your unfortunate demise.

I can not say with a good conscience that everything is fine.

I know that is what you want to hear the most… And I am sorry that I can not give you the satisfaction of that being true.

...It is just another way in which I have failed in regards of you.

You have my utmost apologies Makoto.

For everything.

I assure you that the entirety of this letter will not be about me moping about y hand in your demise but… Allow me to express my opinion on you death for a little bit longer.

I… I must admit, I feel very much responsible for your death. I know that if you were here, you would tell me not to feel that way…

But that is not very convincing.

I should have realized just what you were suffering from. I am the Ultimate Detective. I can study crime scenes without flinching, see missed clues, connect the pieces of the puzzle and find the perpetrator, solving the mystery.

But of what use was this talent when it came to saving you?

None.

I could not put the pieces together in time. I could not solve the mystery fast enough.

I could not save you.

It is a bit pathetic in all honesty. You were able to save all of us from the grip of despair.

But no one was able to do the same for you.

And that will always be my biggest regret.

When I thought of how this chaos would end, I always imagined you in the lead, urging us on with the endless hope I thought you had.

But now, because of my incompetence… that will not happen.

…. I am so sorry Makoto.

I swear, however, that I will not let you or your dreams be forgotten.

I swear on my life that I will continue your work on ending the despair that haunts our world.

I already have started doing that in fact.

I have no doubt that you know of the remnants of Despair. After all, their heinous actions were well known to us the minute we let that awful academy.

Well, you may be glad to know that the Future Foundation was able to capture them.

You may also be surprised to find out that Asahina, Togami, and I saved them from execution.

Our reasons for it were simple.

You would have wanted it.

It is strange… Even in death, your influence remains on us.

I know without a doubt that you would have be the one leading us in this action if you were alive. You would preach about the darkness of despair and how we could save them if we could just give them the ability to hope.

So… That is what we plan to do.

I can not write down what exactly we are doing. After all, I do not know who exactly will get a hold of this letter. However, I can at least say that you would love it.

There is, however, something I can say.

I.. I had Gekkogahara make an AI of someone to help the Remnants of Despair recover.

You.

Perhaps it ruins the effect of it somewhat since you were not in the 77th class with them but… I had to do it.

I had to honor your memory somehow.

It is a bit startling to see you alive, I must admit.

But it is a pleasant surprise, nonetheless.

Aoi cried upon seeing you for the first time, but Togami and I could only smile.

The sight of you smiling and laughing, relaxed in a way that you were not able to be during the last two years of your life…

… Well that is something I will never trade away, even if it only an AI of you.

I can only hope that you are just as happy wherever you are Makoto. Be rest assured, I will make sure that hope never falls in your absence.

It is the least that I can do.

Kyoko Kirigiri

The grass crunched under his feet as he stepped into the graveyard. He pays little attention to this, however, as he slowly makes his way through the small plot of land.

His blue eyes scan the area, his chest tightening slightly as he looked for one headstone in particular. He looks over each gravestone, carefully examining them for one specific name.

His gaze is soon caught by a single gravestone, a newer one that was placed in the corner of the graveyard, slightly separated from the rest. Strangely enough, a small group of iris flowers seemed to be planted around it, providing a beautiful sight that made his lips form a sad smile.

Slowly, he walked to the grave, though it only took him a minute to find himself standing on the grave.

Makoto Naegi

1997-2016

Ultimate Hope and Defeater of Junko Enoshima.

Beloved son, brother, friend, and lover

He sucks in a breath at the sight of the tombstone before him. Even after so much time… The sight of the tombstone sent a dagger through his heart.

After a bit of time though, he managed to put it together, managing a soft smile for the stone in front of him, as if the stone itself was the lover he had lost all those months ago.

"... Good Afternoon Naegi. I apologize for not coming here sooner but… Well, the last few months have been very chaotic. I made sure to come today at least though."

He took a seat on the ground in front of the grave, ignoring the filthiness of the ground below him as he does so. A few years ago, he would have scoffed at his actions, but now, he thinks nothing of it.

"I… I have a few things I need to talk to you about."

He thinks for a moment, unsure about how to word his next few words.

"I do not think I can visit you again… For a while at least. Due to this… There are certain topics I need to discuss with you."

He closes his eyes as words he had been longing to say for months now slip from his lips.

"The first one is the fact that you lied to me. And I let you."

He feel his inner guilt well up within him as he opens his eyes to face the result of his own cowardice.

"... I was a coward. I knew something was wrong with you. But I… I allowed myself the delusion that everything was fine. After all… I thought you would have told me if it truly was a life or death matter."

A soft, bitter laugh escaped him at the thought.

"... What a fool I was."

He looks at the tombstone before him in confusion, imaging for a moment that his lover was actually there.

"Did you not trust me…? Was I too distant, too cold for you to confide in…?"

He feels himself bite his lip at the thought.

"... I would have listened to anything if it meant you were still here."

He sighs at this and found himself crossing his arms, temporarily regaining his previously normal haughty nature.

"As for my next topic of discussion, I am pretty sure the others have visited you and told you as such, but me, Kirigiri, and that Asahina girl decided to take in the Remnants of Despair and restore them to their former selves… in honor of you and your insane ability to create hope wherever you could."

He takes a deep breath before continuing his report.

".. There were only 16 students in the class but… We added a seventeenth student. You."

He feels his lips twitch at the thought of the AI they had added to the program as their final tribute to the young man.

"... It… It was a bit jarring I must say. Gekkogahara did a really good job at capturing you…"

His voice becomes soft as he continues, filled with affection and longing.

".. Your AI was perfect. It had your voice, your beauty, your personality, your smile, … Your incredible ability to hope for the best.. Everything."

He becomes unable to look at the gravestone before him, slightly overwhelmed at the memory of the AI. He glances away, his heart aching slightly as his boyfriend's AI smiling face came into mind.

"... For a few weeks… I deluded myself that you were alive as well. You would wake up with the Remnants of Despair upon the completion of the program and everything would go back to normal."

He sighed at the thought, turning back to the gravestone with a soft smile.

"Of course though… It was all just a silly dream. You were not like the rest of the Remnants of Despair. It was a computer program… Not a human being."

He clenches his fist at that, but slowly loosened his grip after a few seconds. He then took another deep breath, trying his best to calm himself.

"There is a reason why I have to see you today of all days though. You see, I have been selected by the group of imbeciles that we call the higher-ups of Future Foundation to be put on trial for protecting the Remnants of Despair."

He scoffs at the very idea.

Trial.

More like execution.

Somehow though, he can not bring himself to say these thoughts aloud to the tombstone of his dead boyfriend. Instead, he sugarcoats it as best as he could, like he would if the brunette was still alive.

"My trial is to be held tomorrow. But somehow, I find myself to be undaunted by it. After all, either way I win. If I am found not guilty, I can continue to fight for hope in your name. If I am found guilty and executed… Well."

A small smile twitched at his lips at the idea in his head.

"I can finally see you again."

He finally gets to his feet as he says this, his gaze never leaving the gravestone before him.

"... It is strange. I have not felt so at peace since you died. The last few months have been nothing but a chaotic mess of confusion and stress. But now… When I am finally confronted with the potential end of my life, I can only find peace. I simply do not care anymore. I fought for hope. I fought for the future…."

The small smile on his face turned bittersweet.

"I fought for you."

He sighs at the thought, glancing around at the graveyard around them.

"I told Kirigiri to bury me here if I am found guilty and executed. I believe it a common sentiment between commoners to bury their dead bodies near loved ones. In my family, we typically cremated the bodies of loved ones and tossed it into the ocean. However… Well, I am willing to make an exception for you Naegi."

He goes silent for a bit, wondering how to phrase the last thing he wanted to say.

".. Do you remember how I wanted to see you the day you died? There was something I wanted to tell you, remember?" He eventually mentions after a bit of time.

"It… It was something I had wanted to say to you for so long...:"

He sucks in a breath, closing his eyes as he finally allows himself to say the words he had wanted to so desperately tell the boy in front of him while he was alive.

"... I love you Makoto Naegi."

The bittersweet smile on his lips grows at this as he opens his eyes.

"Heh… I imagined saying this to you so many times. I imagined how your face would light up in joy and how your voice would go up an octave as you returned my affection. Because… You would. You would say "I love you too,' and that was all I wanted that afternoon."

He feels himself clench his fist at the thought.

"But… But that did not happen."

He narrows his eyes at the gravestone as he spits out some of the anger that had partially consumed him since his boyfriend's death.

"... All I saw was your lifeless corpse because you jumped to the worst conclusion and left me here alone with those words still hanging on my lips."

He can feel himself start to shake as he forces himself to his feet.

He cannot tell if he was shaking in anger or pain though.

He feels more weak in that moment than he had ever done before at any point in his life, but somehow, he manages a smile for the stone before him.

"... But it's okay Makoto… I… I will be with you soon. I promise. Someway.. Somehow… I will find you again."

He finds himself staring the gravestone before him for a few more minutes.

He knew it was stupid to hope that he would see how lover in the afterlife after all the cruelty he himself had performed throughout his life. Even if there was an afterlife, he would surely burn in hell as his lover enjoyed the sun of heaven.

Somehow though, he knew this was not the end of his and Makoto's story.

At least not yet.

"... Goodbye for now Makoto."


	5. Realization

Yeah so… I just realized that I never updated this story on here. Whoops. Here's chapter 5 guys!

* * *

He watches the Monokuma robot approach with slight trepidation.

This was it.

This would be where his life would end.

His mind wanders as he watches the robot waddle toward him, his mind struggling to find anything to distract himself from his approaching demise.

He finally settles on the thought of his classmates.

Finally, they would get the retribution that they so richly deserved. His death would mean justice was finally served. Finally, the hope that they had-

Hope.

His head shoots up as the word fills his head. He feels like an electric shock had just struck him.

Hope...

Was… Was this truly the hope that all his fallen classmates had died for…?

He found himself taking a step back from the approaching robot, doubt filling his mind.

Sayaka, Leon, Chihiro, Mondo, Kiyotaka, Hifumi, Celes, Sakura, Mukuro….

What would they have wanted?

Byakuya, Kyoko, Aoi, Toko, Yasuhiro….

What did they want…?

Most of all…

What did he want?

He swallowed and took a few more steps away from the approaching robot, his mind now reduced to a jumbled up mess of thoughts.

This.. This is what his fallen classmates would have wanted… Right?

They would have wanted justice… They would have wanted to see the one who killed them to fall in the end.

But… Was it really him who was the one they hated?

He thinks of Sayaka, who had left an dying message in order to save him and the rest of their class.

He thinks of Chihiro, who fought to better themself in order to help prevent anyone else from dying.

He thinks of Celes, who had offered them back the key to Alter Ego in order to help them find a way out of the school and find out its secrets.

He thinks of Sakura, who had killed herself in order to end the feud brewing between their group.

They had all helped them survive in the end, giving small clues and tools that had helped them conquer and escape Junko's game.

Then there was the victims of Junko… Leon, Mondo, Ishimaru, Hifumi, Mukuro…

Would they have really wanted him dead?

No, not in normal circumstances. If they had not been in the situation they had been in, they would have never wanted his death.. Even Mukuro would not have normally wanted him dead… She had just been a pawn in her younger sister's game.

He barely notices as he slowly begins to back away more from the approaching Monokuma.

And what about his fellow survivors? The five classmates that had stood by him every second since they had escaped the school.

There was Toko, who had anguished bitterly over his relationship with Byakuya, but had still remained a close friend of his. Minus a few threats, she had not physically harmed him and had even snuck him a few copies of her books for inspirations for dates with and/or flirting with him.

There was Yasuhiro who had filled his days with endless amusement as he fed him so many wild stories of aliens and conspiracy theories that just made his day spin. Was he the sharpest tool in the shed? No, but he was a source of great fun.

There was Aoi, whose ceaseless energy was a rival for his own. He had spent many afternoons running around with her as they struggled to find ways to amuse themselves after hours of tedious paperwork. Those afternoons had become far more rare due to her reassignment to Branch 13, but they were still treasured memories.

There was Kyoko, his true best friend. She had truly been one of the reasons he had survived so long. He had spent so many hours in her office under the guise of working when he had really been messing around with her, distracting her to the point of her threatening to throw him out of his office. She had never really done it though, claiming that the tea he brought her whenever he bugged her was worth the trouble.

A soft smile fills his face as he thought of his friends and he found himself taking a few more steps back away from the approaching Monokuma.

Then there was Byakuya….

Byakuya, with whom he had spent an endless amount of time with. They had spent many hours ducking into closets when others could not see, coming out with mused clothes and hair to Kyoko's amusement. He had worked together seamlessly at work though, with him going out on various missions with Byakuya . Then there was the time not on the clock ,where they hid under the sheets in Byakuya's spacious bed and said things they would deny saying if anyone confronted them about it.

His smile grows at the thought and he takes even more steps away.

There was one thing left thought, one very important question.

What did he want?

He swallowed as the thought came to him.

He wants to honor the legacies of those who had fallen.

He wants to chat with Toko about her new book that she would surely publish once they restored order to the order.

He wants to try and convince Yasuhiro that there was no lizard people within the Future Foundation ranks.

He wants to snack on donuts with Aoi while they thought up more ideas on how to cheer up the others

He wants to have tea with Kyoko and distract her from work with jokes.

He wants to kiss Byakuya and hug him like the world would end.

He… He wanted to live….

 _IDIOT! YOU ARE BEING AN FUCKING IDIOT! THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! THEY JUST PRETENDED TO LIKE YOU! THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU REMEMBER?!_

Junko's furious voice seemed to echo in his head as soon as the realization filled his head, his mind's last minute attempt to dissuade him from his sudden rebellion.

However, he was not listening anymore.

He knew Junko, he knew how she could trap anyone in one of her mind games and force them to do what she wanted to do.

The voice in his head was just a memory of her, representing all of his darkest thoughts and beliefs as they tried to destroy him.

But he would not let it win.

Unconsciously, he reaches for the gun in his jacket, his fingers shaking only slightly as he did so.

Maybe he was responsible for his classmates deaths… Maybe it was partly his fault that many of them met their ends.

But he would only be disrespecting their memories by giving up now.

He had to fight.

If only for their sakes.

He had to fight to protect the memories of those who had fallen.

He had to fight to protect of those he loved dearly.

He had to fight the despair that would take over others like it nearly took over him.

He slowly withdraws the gun from his suit jacket, taking careful aim at the robot approaching him. He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as he finally made his decision.

 _ **BREAK**_

The sound of a gunshot echoed within the formerly silent welcoming hall of Hope's Peak Academy. For a moment, all he can do is stare at the motionless Monokuma before him, his breath coming out in small gasps.

He chose the hope his friends had died for.

He can barely see the haze that had previously consumed his vision. All he can see is the bright colors of the welcoming hall as he slowly looks around the room.

As he looks around though, he begins to see his classmates once more. But there is a difference this time.

They are smiling.

Mukuro sends him a weak smile, almost as if she approved of his actions.

Sakura simply nods at him, a satisfied look on her face.

Celestia sends him a small smile as Hifumi straightens, a proud expression on his face.

Ishimaru cries still, but now he can see the relief and happiness in his eyes.

Mondo grins and sends him a thumbs up as Chihiro smiles through their tears.

Leon had a huge smile on his face as he also sends him a thumbs up, clearly proud.

Sayaka had the biggest grin on her face as she waved at him, joy and relief clear on her face.

He can not help but smile back at them. He waves at them, determinism and energy filling him for the first time in a while.

He finally knew what he was supposed to do…

What they had wanted him to do….

What he wanted to do...

Live.

"MAKOTO!"

He jolts as the scream echoes in the air. He turns wildly, his eyes growing wide at the sight before him.

Kyoko and Byakuya stood at the end of the hall, both of them wielding Anti-Monokuma Megaphones in their hands.

Kyoko looked unnaturally worried and cautious as she caught sight of him. This tension soon fades as she notes the destroyed Monokuma at his feet.

Byakuya, however, looked like a mess if he was honest with himself. His blond hair was unusually tousled and his clothes were somehow rumpled, as if he had been running around in it.

There is silence in the hall as the trio just looks at each other, almost daring one of the other two to comment first.

Finally, he sighs and raises a hard in an awkward hand wave.

"Hey guys." he said with a weak smile.

The duo just looks at him for a bit, obviously still confused by the scene before them. After a while though, Kyoko lowers her own megaphone.

"... You do realize that we will need to discuss this now?" she said sternly.

He winced at her tone and looked down.

"Yeah…"

His best friend sighs, before smiling weakly. A heartbeat passed before she slowly began walking over to him, stopping only a foot away from him. She stared at him for just a moment before smiling just a bit more and reaching up to ruffle his hair a bit.

"I am glad you came to your senses in time."

He manages a smile for his friend and nods.

"I am too."

".. We should get back."

He jumpss as his boyfriend's voice fills the hall. He looks past Kyoko to look at Togami, a light frown growing on his face as he notes the displeasure in his boyfriend's voice.

"Togami…"

His boyfriend did not meet his eyes, instead choosing to turn his gaze to Kyoko.

"Those three fools are still at the Future Foundation correct? We should go back there."

Kyoko's eyes glanced between him and Byakuya as a small frown filled her face.

"We should, yes. Makoto, I assume you will be coming with us?"

Both her and Byakuya looked back at him now. Their faces were then blank, a defensive act against showing any worry. But neither could do a thing about the uncertainty in their eyes.

He managed a thin smile and nodded.

"Yes."

Kyoko's face lit up with a soft smile and she nodded silently in acceptance, her relief clear on her expression.

His boyfriend merely huffs and looked away.

"As if you would decide otherwise."

He does not comment on how his boyfriend's body relaxed at his words as they walked away from the school, leaving it firmly behind of them.

-  
"Makoto!"

As soon as he stepped out of the car, he was ambushed by a certain swirly haired girl. He froze for a second, too shocked by the sudden contact to move. After a while though, he smiled a bit before wrapping his arms around her as well.

"Aoi….."

His friend pulls away with a sniff, though her arms remained wrapped around him tightly.

"Are… Are you okay…?" she asked softly as her eyes scanned him in search of any wounds on him.

He nodded a bit at her as his smile instinctively grew in an attempt to comfort his friend.

"Of course Aoi." he smiled.

She did not seem convinced entirely, but she did manage a weak smile as she pulled away from him.

'Alright…" She murmured.

Suddenly, he felt an arm wrap around his neck

"Yo! Naegikins! There you are dude! We have been looking everywhere for you!" Yasuhiro grinned, "Where have you been?!"

He laughs nervously at the question before ducking away from the impromptu hug.

"Sorry for worrying you guys! I.. I just went to go visit.. Somewhere."

"Hmph! Such a p-poor excuse! Do you really think you can trick us with such lies?!"

He jumps a bit as he heard the sudden stutter fill the air. He turns wildly, only to come face to face with a certain author.

"Ahh.. Toko…"

Toko sniffs, anger and worry clear on her face.

"Don't Toko me! I-I may be u-ugly… But I do not deserve to be lied to! I am not like the big breasted swimmer girl! I demand real answers!"

"Big breasted swimmer girl?!" Aoi stuttered.

"If the peanut gallery can shut up now..? We have more important matters to discuss presently so quit your chatter and get inside." Byakuya's cold voice cut through their reunion like a knife.

All four of them fall silent, turning to look at the annoyed blond with both embarrassment and annoyance.

"Heh.. Sorry Toges…" Yasuhiro apologized sheepishly

"Do not call me that." Byakuya rolled his Kyoko strolls out of the car, a faint smile on her face.

"Come along all of you, we have things to discuss inside." she ordered, strolling past them into the building.

The five of them blink after her for a second, but eventually he just shrugged.

"Well, let's go in." he said following their purple-headed friend inside.

The rest of his class nods and quickly follow after them. As he walked forward though, Byakuya's hand reached for his own, interlacing their fingers securely as they walked into the building.

A light blush filled his face at the contact. Byakuya was not exactly known for his affection. Most of the time, if they even showed any public affection, it was him who initiated it, not Byakuya.

Still the gesture is appreciated and he returns it by lightly squeezing his hand.

Byakuya glances at him at that, a strange look in his eyes as he nods in acknowledgement.

The walk to Kyoko's office takes no time at all and soon they are all seated in various spots in the room. Byakuya and him were seated on the chairs closest to Kyoko's desk, their hands still connected. Yasuhiro and Aoi just leaned against the walls and Toko again was residing near the windowsill like she had in the meeting in Byakuya's office.

However, everyone's eyes are on him.

He swallows a bit as everyone stares at him, the same knowing look in their gazes. Somehow, he is reminded of the trial in which he was accused of killing Sayaka.

Finally, Kyoko breaks the silence.

"Makoto… I believe can speak for everyone when I say that you have been acting strangely today, particularly within the last 12 hours." she said carefully, for once trying the gentle approach.

Beside him, Byakuya scoffs.

"Let's just cut to the chase Kirigiri. We know you intended to kill yourself today." he stated, his gaze hardening on him as he spoke.

He winces at the wording Byakuya had chosen, but he could hardly blame him. The tuth behind his words was too obvious to even try defending.

".. Yeah. I did.." he admitted softly.

Somehow, his throat seizes up at the admission. Shame overcomes him and he can only look away from his friends.

How could he have been so stupid as to fall into Junko's trap of despair ?! He had been able to escape it before but now… He had somehow almost let despair overtake him to the point of attempting to take his own life.

He can feel tears well up in the back of his eyes as he realized the magnitude of what he had nearly done. He tries to hold them back as well as he can, but a few tears manage to slip past his defenses and fall down his face.

No one says a word at this. Everyone seems stunned into silence at his words, the weight of it now finally hitting his friends.

To his surprise, he feels Byakuya let go of his hand in lieu of reaching up and wiping a few of his tears.

'Don't cry you idiot…. You are alive aren't you?" his boyfriend's voice was slightly softer than usual as he spoke.

He sniffs as he turns to face his boyfriend, his eyes now blurry with tears.

"Yeah but…"

"Don't but me. You are alive correct?" His boyfriend said sternly, moving his hand to his chin and forcing him to look him in the eye as best as he could through his tears.

He manages a nod, too emotional to speak now.

Byakuya nods in satisfaction and drops his hand from his chin to retake his.

"Then our focus should be on figuring out why you attempted this and how to prevent it. I believe you fools will be helping me in this task?"

The question is now presented to the rest of their stunned class, managing to break through their reprieve.

Kyoko is the first to nod, a determined look on her face.

"Of course." she said easily.

"Y-yeah! Me too!" Aoi had obviously been close to tears as well, but she tried to make up with it with the cheer in her voice.

"Of course dude…." Yasuhiro sounded strangely serious for once.

"D-do you think a troll like me is that heartless?!" Toko snapped.

He blinks at the resolve and determination of his friends, managing a watery smile.

"T-thank you…" he murmured.

"You do not need to thank us." Kyoko quickly assured him.

"Yeah! That's what we are here for! To support each other!" Aoi smiled.

His boyfriend reached into a pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, handing it to him.

"Now wipe those tears on your face. It does not help you in the slightest." he huffed.

Makoto chuckles a bit at this and nods, quickly wiping the tears from his face.

Kyoko leaned back in her chair, smiling weakly.

"I am not going to forve you to tell us everything now. That would just be cruel. Instead, I am going to give you two days off to recover from this… Incident. Byakuya will also be given leave to make sure you actually do rest. Does this work for both of you?"

Byakuya silently nods in approval and he manages a smile for Kyoko.

"Yeah. That sounds great Kyoko. Thank you."

"Once you come back though, we will be discussing this incident furthe and discussing how to prevent it from occuring again. Do you understand?"

He swallows.

"Y-yeah. I do."

Kyoko merely nods herself and waves them all off.

"I believe that is all for now then. I think we all deserve a rest after today's… incident. Aoi, shall I prepare an excuse for your supervisor?"

"Yeah. Thanks!" Aoi beamed as Yasuhiro shot out of the room in glee.

"I AM FREE MAN!"

"H-he recovers well.." Toko scoffed as she moved to the door as well.

Byakuya does not even comment, instead standing up and glancing at him.

"Come on Naegi. There is nothing left to do but make sure you relax."

He nods and stands up, noting their still linked hands with a small smile.

"Yeah.. Don't worry, I am coming."

The ride to his house is extremely awkward.

He glances at his companion as they make the quick drive to his house, not knowing what to say.

It is not the fact that they are alone that makes it awkward. They have done this many times before when one of them had stayed late to finish paperwork and the other had not wanted to leave them. Usually though, he would have started to chat with him by that point, wanting to entertain his boyfriend with stories of what had occurred that day.

That did not happen this time though.

The day's events seemed to be an unmentioned weight between them. Every time he opened his mouth, he found himself thinking back to what had almost happened and fell silent, unwilling to bring up the elephant in the room.

He is almost relieved as they arrive at his home. He practically runs out of the car and to the door, desperate to put this day behind him. He does not even bother to wait for his boyfriend, choosing to instead bring out his keys and try and unlock the door so he could hide in his bed and forget that awful day. In his rush though, the keys slip out of his hands.

He curses and reaches down to pick them up. However, before he can, another hand swipes them away.

He blinks as he straightens and gives a curious look to his boyfriend who had suddenly materialized beside him.

The man only huffs in response and turns to open the door.

"You idiot…" he scoffed as he effortlessly opens the door, "Now get in. It is freezing out here."

Without waiting for an comment, his boyfriend strode into the house, obviously expecting him to follow.

He swallows at this before reluctantly following. He cringes as the door makes a loud noise behind him as the door closed, the only sound in the room.

His boyfriend stands in the hall, his eyes looking over the layout with a strangely curious look. He looks at him in confusion for a bit before the answer occurs to him.

"It's your first time here right?"

Byakuya glances back at him and nods.

"Yes.. We always go to my home in case we have a tryst. I must say, it suits you." he commented, looking over the house once more.

He smiled a bit at this.

"Thank you Togami-kun." he chirped.

His boyfriend merely nods and moves to the living room, easily sitting himself down on the couch. He then turns to look at him, an expectant look on his face.

"Sit Naegi."

He blinks at this, not used to being ordered around in his own house. Still, he finds himself taking a seat across from his boyfriend,not willing to make much of a fuss about it.

Byakuya was strangely tense still if his crossed arms andinability to look him in the eyes said anything.

"...Why did you lie to me Naegi?"

He blinks at this.

"S-sorry?"

"You told me you would go to me if something was pestering you. Yet, all I got was you running away to get yourself mauled by a Monokuma robot. It is quite inconsiderate, do you not think?"

Byakuya's voice is level, not giving away any emotion and making him even more hard to read.

"I… I was not thinking properly at the time.I did not mean to offend you Togami-kun." He tried to placate him.

Somehow, his words only made it worse.

"Offend me?! Do you really think that is the main problem here?!" Byakuya snapped

"... Uh… No?"

His boyfriend facepalmed at this, an exasperated look filling his face.

"The main problem is the fact that you did not see it fit to discuss your recent… issues with me."

"Oh… "

He swallows at this and manages a weak smile for his lover.

"Sorry Togami-kun. It just.. Did not occur to me to discuss it with you."

"Well why not?" There was a strange edge to Byakuya's voice at this.

He blinked. "Huh?"

"Why did you not think to discuss it with me?! Again, I told you to talk to me if something was the matter." Byakuya was clearly agitated at that.

"I… I just didn't think to…" he did not know what to say other than that.

"... Did I do something?"

There was a vulnerable edge to his boyfriend's voice, something he had never heard before.

"H-huh? No! Why would you think that!"

Byakuya turned to look at him, the strange look from before now prominent in his gaze.

"We are partners Makoto. You should be able to discuss matters like this with me…. But you couldn't. So, naturally I have to wonder if there is a reason why."

He froze at this, the meaning of Byakuya's words finally hitting him.

Byakuya was asking why he didn't trust him with this….

He swallowed at the realization slowly reached forward, taking his lover's hand in his.

"I didn't tell you because.., I just couldn't. It just seemed too overwhelming to tell anyone! I didn't do it because I don't trust you! I… I just didn't want to tell anyone about it. It… It just wasn't something I thought I should talk about."

"Oh hey, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Byakuya blinked. "Pardon?"

"You said earlier you wanted to talk to me about something. So what was it?" he asked curiously.

Byakuya flushed and looked away.

"Oh… That."

He blinked at him.

"What is it?"

Byakuya was silent for a moment, his face slightly red.

"... Je t'amie."

He blinked. "What?"

"I… Je t'amie Makoto Naegi."

He blinked, trying to fall back on his previous french knowledge.

Je meant I… Then Amie meant something about…

Oh.

Makoto blushed at this, but slowly felt himself grin.

"I love you too Byakuya Togami."

Byakuya tightened his grip on him, his cheeks red.

"As if you wouldn't." He said snidely.

Still, a small smile was forming on his face as he tugged him closer.

He just closed his eyes and leaned against his boyfriend, a bright smile now present on his face.

This day turned out better than he thought it would.

-  
He knew that it was one of those days the minute he woke up.

He blearily blinked his eyes open as he woke up, scanning the room around him as best as he could in his haze of sleepiness.

Once again, the room around him seems slightly dim

In the corner of his eye, however, he notices his phone has lit up, showing four new message within it's system. He raises an eyebrow, but reaches for the phone

[ **Toko Fukawa : You better not be sleeping still….]**

 **[Yasuhiro Hagakure: Yo! Morning Naegikins!]**

 **[Aoi Asahina: Time to get up Makoto! It's another beautiful day!]**

 **[Kyouko Kirigiri: Good morning Makoto.]**

A soft smile filled his face at the sight of the text messages. He felt oddly comforted by the sight of his friend's encouragement, even if the messages were nothing more than just good morning greetings. **  
**  
As he read the new text messages though, he had not noticed the arm stretching across him, nor had did he notice the blue eyes reading the messages over his shoulder.

"They may be idiots, but they at least know what to say."

He jumps a bit at the sudden comment as it filled the room. He relaxed soon after though, instead leaning back to smile at his lover.

"Byakuya…. Were you reading over my shoulder?" he laughed softly.

The former heir only raised an eyebrow, his light blue eyes filled with exhaustion, but also warm affection.

"You have no proof that I did."

He rolled his eyes at the comment, as he relaxed against his lover.

"Alright Byakuya…."

Byakuya hummed in response, using the arm wrapped around him to pull him even closer as he closed his eyes.

"I believe we can afford ten minutes more of rest before those fools come here to drag us to work.."

He chuckled a bit as he found himself curling up against his lover's glanced around the room as he did so, noting that somehow, the sunshine had grown stronger within the few minutes that had passed since he had awoken. The haze that once controlled the room and his life seemed to be gone for the moment. The room now seemed to be bathed in light, giving the entirety of the room a warm glow.

This realization caused his smile to grow and he happily found himself cuddling close to his lover.

Somehow, he knew it was going to be a great day.

* * *

IT IS FINALLY DONE.

I am so sorry for the delay but this chapter took so long to write because I was trying to present this ending the best I can.

I wrote this story as a way to cope with my own depression episodes and never thought it would do as well as it did. So thank you so much to everyone who liked, reviewed, and most of all read this fic.

There was a reason why there were two endings. It is meant to showcase the two options you have when you feel suicidal. You can end it all and give up on the possibility of it getting better. Or you can try and shoulder through it all for the possibility of it getting better.

I want to say this to everyone who may be feeling like this, who may be feeling as if their lives will never get better and they are better off ending it all.

It is not worth it.

You are not making it better for yourself, you are just cutting off the possibility of it getting better. No matter what you think, people will miss you and you will leave a mark on people that will never go away.

And it isn't worth it.

I encourage you to go seek help if you feel this way. Talk about it to a therapist, a trusted relative or friend.

Quick note on why it was never told to Makoto's friends why he nearly committed suicide. He has just gotten back from it and is heavily emotional. It is simply not the right time to discuss it. I am considering an epilogue to this series where they do discuss it but part of me feels like it will be a separate one-shot and not attached here, like the AU NWP fic. This is due to the fact that I truly do like where this ended and do not want to continue this individual fic.

But really guys. Thank you for all your support on this fic. I truly appreciate it.


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